The process for completing and processing a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (or “QDRO”) can be time consuming and frustrating under the best of circumstances. Unfortunately, the frustration can be compounded when you have a difficult ex that either refuses to cooperate or is at least being very difficult. In many instances, your divorce is already completed (or close to it) by the time you are dealing with a QDRO. During your divorce litigation, you have likely dealt with a difficult spouse or ex for an extended period under very stressful circumstances. You are now close to the end, but just can't seem to get your ex to cooperate. Perhaps you are being ignored – or perhaps your ex is being outwardly hostile. Either way, the QDRO needs to be completed. So, what can you do when your ex refuses to cooperate with the QDRO process?

Like any other court order, a QDRO must ultimately be signed by a judge. Typically, that will require either the agreement of the parties (or their attorneys, where appropriate), or some form of court hearing. Fortunately, the initial steps in the QDRO process do not require the cooperation of your difficult ex. Using the terms set forth in your divorce decree or marital settlement agreement, you can have your QDRO drafted and then submitted to the Plan Administrator for “pre-approval”.

“Pre-Approval” is where the Plan Administrator reviews a draft QDRO in order to ensure that the language complies with the terms of the Plan. If the draft QDRO meets the Plan's requirements, the Plan Administrator will “pre-approve” of the draft. If not, the Plan Administrator will generally provide guidance as to any revisions that might be necessary to ensure that the QDRO complies with the terms of the Plan. Completing this step and getting feedback from the Plan Administrator does not require your ex's cooperation.

Once the pre-approval step is completed, you will need to submit the QDRO to the appropriate court for execution. This can either be done by consent, where you are able to obtain the signature of your difficult ex; or, you may need to schedule a hearing before the assigned judge to address your ex's objection or refusal to cooperate. If your ex refuses to cooperate, you will almost certainly need a hearing to bring the matter to the court's attention. If that is necessary, the downside is that you will probably need an attorney licensed in your jurisdiction to assist you with the hearing process. But there is GOOD news: even if you need an attorney, SimpleQDRO can still save you significant costs by preparing your QDRO documents. In addition, you will be coming to court with pre-approval from the Plan Administrator in hand. With that information, the judge will know that when he or she signs the QDRO, it will be honored by the Plan.

Dealing with a difficult ex is rarely easy, and unfortunately, this holds true even during the QDRO process. But, because of the risks involved in delaying the entry of your QDRO, it is important to be proactive and address the issues “head-on”.